Rants & Raptures

Expat Cooks...........

2010-03-09T04:20:00.001-08:00

Will mainly be blogging from the foodie site from now on...........

please take a look, if I have subscribed to follow your blog, I will probably have added a link under either Expat Resources or Foodies! or just Stuff I like to read LOL.

www.expatcooks.com

OHHHHH!!

2010-02-15T23:49:00.001-08:00

I have broken the block! The writing that is. I did a couple of the oneword.com words and then yesterday thought, I need to get my arse in gear and achieve something this year. So opened up a piece I had started working on last year. Well, 3 hours on and I have 6 pages done!!!

Yes I know, it's only 6 pages but it's 6 pages I'm really chuffed with. The words flowed, I fine tuned them a bit and they carried on flowing. I've no idea where I'm going with this (a vague idea but nothing concrete) but I know who my characters are already. I should really do more research but I find myself rushing on. Research was never my strong point anyway lol.

So, my exotic dancer has met her guardian angel, who bears a slight resemblance to Eric Stoltz and has a voice not unlike the great god Samuel L. Where do we go from here? I'll paste up the first paragraph, those that know me, feel free to leave a comment or suggestion, or email me, you know where.

And so it begins........

'5 inch wedge heels from Faith and Johnson's Baby Oil do NOT mix. It was the first thought that skittered across Ellie's mind as she felt her left foot start to slide and then as the right foot followed suit, her second was to curse Zoe and her ridiculously large boobs. The glare from the centre spotlight hit her bang in the face and she slid along the catwalk like a duck on ice. Shooting off the end of the 4ft stage to the music of some woman-hating rap star was not how Ellie wanted to end her days. She certainly didn't want to stand in front of St Peter wearing a red thong with a spangled heart on the front and very little else.

The last thing that she saw was a rather shocked looking man about to lift his pint to his mouth and then the lights went out. And they stayed out for over an hour.'

It has come to my attention...

2009-11-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

......

that I'm a lard arse! I have been on a diet for one week. I weighed in at 188lbs which didn't seem that bad until I realised that I have put on 90lbs since I got married 23 years ago.......

The daughter is a wizard with Photoshop and so i sent her a pic of my face and a pic of my ideal body and she worked her magic....see below :)

Yes, that is my face but Angelina (in her Tombraider days) Jolie's body, I'm sorry Angelina but I'm taking it for my very own.

I have lost 4lbs this week and yesterday I managed 2.5k on the treadmill plus an hour of yoga, tho' I fell asleep at one point - during the yoga, not on the treadmill!

It is going to take some time but this photo has made me feel like I can finally shed the weight..finger's crossed xx

Apologies....

2009-11-15T22:26:00.000-08:00

For being a lazy arse and not writing on here for quite some time.

I have had a bit of a struggle this past month, firstly my emotions were all over the shop and secondly I spent most of it in a bit of an alcohol induced blur. I have been drinking too much, the consumption has steadily increased since losing my dad in February.

If you asked me if I thought I had a drink problem, I would have usually laughed and said 'only if I can't get any'. But as the past month has gone on I have found myself forgetting the simplest of things. I don't drink in the day. I drink in the evening, a glass of wine leads to another which leads to the rest of the bottle, normally topped off with another glass or two.

Alcoholic? me? No. Well I don't know, am I? What constitutes an alcoholic? Maybe I am one of those functioning types? I know I wake up every morning with a headache and a mouth that

tastes like the bottom of a parrot's cage.

How many nights a week do I go to bed rat arsed? It is easier to count how many I go to bed sober.

Last week I started my diet. I have lost 4lbs already and I am pretty sure I could h

ave lost more if I had avoided the booze. I try to be strong. But all it takes is one drink and I'm like some kind of bizarre wine guzzler, the glass doesn't leave my hand.

I know I need to stop, well cutting back would be a bloody good start.

Tonight....yeah, tonight......

Oh by the way, have a look at my plants :) they are going great guns & you can read my plant growing blog on www.expatcooks.com :)

Nobody puts Baby in the corner....

2009-09-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

We play this game in our house, being the internet/media freaks that we are. It's called 'Guess who's dead'. It's a case of going about your daily lives until you hear/read the news that a celebrity has kicked the proverbial bucket. We then jump up and head for the nearest family member shouting 'Guess who's dead' in a Peter Kay impression. (You'd have to be a Peter Kay fan to know the reason, Connie, Connie). Even if they are asleep, we wake them up.

Usually I get beaten if the son names the person which he usually does because he turns his laptop on as soon as he wakes up. Although I tend to win on the obscure ones....

However I won't be playing that today, I have heard today that Patrick Swayze has danced his way off the mortal coil. I'm actually quite sad. Not in a crying or sobbing way and no, I won't be sending flowers. But sad at the loss of a man that came across as a gentle soul and true gent.

I first saw him in Red Dawn, that was pants, but after that it was Dirty Dancing. It came out in the year that my daughter was born and I really liked it. I'm usually a horror or crime fan but this one had my toes tapping. We used to laugh at 'Johnny' walking away from Baby's dad, in his cuban heels it looked like he had pooped his pants. That naff naff line we all know and love, made us roar out loud.

But it was a great film and when my younger sister (she's 17 years younger than me and there are a couple of brothers in between) discovered a video of it on the shelf at my mum's when she was 5 or 6, a true love affair blossomed.

My sister fell in love with Patrick Swayze, as she grew up I watched her turn into a beautiful and smart young woman. She isn't perfect, is anyone? but she has a beauty and a strength of character that I don't even think she realises she has. I think she always harboured a belief that she would bump into Patrick one day and knock him off his feet (not literally) and he would leave his wife for her. LOL. Bless her.

She went through a long labour with her little boy while listening to the soundtrack of Dirty Dancing and the little fella actually popped out to the strains of 'She's like the wind'...LOL. Her other half drew the line at her giving him the name Patrick.

Patrick Swayze was a man who fought his illness with a determination, who was married to the same woman for 34 years and who behaved with dignity. There were never any scandalous stories, he didn't run off to Africa to adopt when he found that he and his wife couldn't get the baby they so desperately wanted, nor did he bugger off and find someone else who could give him a baby. A rarity if ever there was one.

I think, no I know, my sister will be shedding a few tears today, I don't think she will be alone.

Have a lovely day and remember to tell the ones you love, how much they mean to you xxx

Spain...

2009-09-12T20:43:00.001-07:00

As some of you may know we were heading off to Spain on our trip home for a family wedding. I was expecting tourists, beaches, tans and robbers from Essex in disguise. I was pleasantly surprised. We were in Granada for the first leg of our trip before heading down to Nerja on the south coast to see some old friends from Saudi.

Granada is beautiful. I could live there. It is a definite 'lifestyle' place. Sipping coffee at an outside table in the morning, long leisurely lunches with friends, a siesta in the afternoon then off out for beer and Tapas at about 10pm until the wee small hours.

The wedding was beautiful, as was the bride, she had organised it to perfection and still looked perfect when we left at 3.30am. The brother in law is lucky to have her. But in truth, I now think they are actually lucky to have each other. They are perfectly matched with lots of differences to make sure that they don't become bored with each other. They looked in love and happy and I really wish with my hand on my heart, that they have a long and happy life together.

So that is all the Barnes Boys married off now - I never thought I'd see the day but it's happened. LOL

Anyway, back to Spain, if you ever ever have the chance to go, then do. Stay away from the tourist side of things tho' and head for the culture.

Ah, culture - the 'C' word LOL. It makes me laugh fit to burst when people (usually vacuous blonde expats) say that the Middle East is cultural. They are usually talking about seeing women in abayas in the Malls and have an English copy of the Koran on a doily on their Ikea shelving unit....not the wonderful history and architecture of the place. Which, by the way if anyone is interested in, should definitely visit the Museum of Islamic Art in Doha - see below - it is a beautiful building and if you are ever in Doha, should make an effort to visit it.

So...today I'm off to the vet with the dog and then attempting to finish washing the clothes for 3 adults after 3 weeks in the UK....

PS tomorrow I think I will be doing a critique on Daniella Westbrook's face......wtf has she done to herself?

Well now...

2009-09-12T10:58:00.000-07:00

It's been a 3 weeks. I would have blogged but I was actually having such a bloody good time that I honestly couldn't be arsed.......lol

I will say this tho, customs at Heathrow....was an experience this time. I always find Heathrow a chore. Actually it pisses me off in the extreme. But this time was the topper! I walked through the arch which always goes *BING* *BING* due to strange bangles on my arms and that old favourite the 'UNDERWIRE'.........

So I *binged* and the rather pretty Asian/Brit with the very deep voice patted me down......for 5 minutes. 3 of those minutes were spent on my boobs and 90 seconds on my rather flat arse.

'I'm sorry Madam but I'm afraid we will need to do a more personal check'

My arse cheeks clenched with such a snap it could be heard in China. 'What does that entail exactly?'

'I just need to lift your teeshirt and check that wire' (At this point I started laughing nervously, over 75 people had wandered past me at this point with puzzled expressions, looking at me like I was a cross between Howard Marks, Pete Docherty and Carlos the Jackal)

So we wander into a room with another female customs officer (apparently there for my human rights) I pull up my shirt, she fondles my bra, then the waistband to my jeans and tells me I can leave.

I said 'thanks' as I was leaving then it dawned on me that why the hell was I saying thanks????!!!

I smiled and said 'Usually I get a pint of guinness and a packet of crisps before any of that nonsense'..........

Did they laugh? NO.

Apparently whilst I was being stripped of my tee shirt and self confidence my husband asked the supervisor if their current 'Terrorist Checklist' included middle aged women wearing a Rolex and Versace glasses............to which their answer was 'Maybe'....

I learnt a couple of things..... 1. I am damn attractive to butch custom's officers....

and 2...they have NOOOOO sense of humour.

But now, I'm back in doha and counting down my two years. Off now to nurse my poorly dog who has come home from the kennels with a dodgy eye. He's gone a bit downhill in the past hour and even turned his nose up at chicken. Vets tomorrow.

Much love to you all xxx

A week tomorrow...

2009-08-12T23:17:00.000-07:00

and I will be heading off to the UK to see my family. It's a bit of a whistle stop tour. 5 days in the Cotswolds with my mum, a couple of days seeing the daughter down in Bournemouth to drop off the 16 year old then on the Friday, the husband and I are flying off to Granada in Spain for a family wedding. Then on the Monday morning, off to Molinas in Spain to stay with two very very great friends from our Saudi days. Then Friday, UK, pick up son, go back to mum's for another 6 days.

Then back to Qatar, with all expectations that we will only have another week of Ramadan to endure before it finishes. Don't get me wrong, Ramadan is a fantastic festival of fasting and family time. But we have done 8 of them and the shine wears off pretty quickly. Very little is open during the day, tho' having said that, it is an excellent time to go grocery shopping. The roads are quiet but insane when it does get busy, so many people rushing home to break their fast. I don't envy anyone fasting this year, Ramadan is falling during the end of August when temperatures are going to be in the 50's and the thought of being unable to have water during daylight hours in those temperatures would scare me witless.

So to all celebrating Ramadan, I hope you have a wonderful time with your family, friends and loved ones. Ramadan Kareem :)

Now, we on the other hand will be in the UK and if it pees down with rain, I will be happy, I would love a good thunder storm. I miss those. I will attempt to blog from the UK, no doubt moaning about the standard of service in the shops LOL, and maybe even blog from Spain. I still need to find a pashmina/shawl/tiny cardi for the dress I'm wearing but hey ho, if I don't then the inlaws will just have to tolerate my fat arms.

I have a major gripe bubbling but am hesitant to let rip with it.........I'll see how much it pees me off before I launch that. So now I will get back to my mopping of floors and dusting. Then I may crash tan for half an hour whilst listening to Alan Carr's auto biog on the Ipodtouch. Bloody hysterical!

X Amanda x

Age has nothing to do with it.......

2009-08-10T02:42:00.000-07:00

So, the Daily Mysoginist *cough* I mean Daily Mail has cast it's eyes towards Amanda Redman - see article HERE! Here is a recent picture of her, so you can judge for yourself!

She apparently said she was dreading her 50th and it now transpires that she is 52. Seriously who the hell gives a monkey's chuff?? Nancy Del'oliooohhooo or however the hell you spell her name is still telling people that she is 46 and my mother in law who is 60 looks younger than she does. If you want to be pedantic about age discrepancies pick on her. Nancy Dedoodoodah who is famous for....um, well, something to do with Sven Goran Erikson and looking like mutton dressed as mutton.

But Amanda Redman? I think she is a great advert for women. She is a talented actress and has always come across as someone you could sink a bottle or 3 of wine with and have a bloody good laugh. She is a normal shape, which is a rarity these days on TV or in the media. As a curvaceous woman with hangups about her belly, I often feel godawful when I see the skinny malinkis in the media. But after one episode of New Tricks and watching Amanda Redman, I actually feel bloody good about my curves. I wouldn't mind looking that good at 52, she should be celebrated NOT denigrated.

For a change, the Daily Mysoginist has named the reporters responsible for this piece of investigative genius, oh really, why bother reporting on why our troops are still fighting a war that no one wants them to be a part of, when you can spend valuable time hunting out birth certificates and outing liars............about their age. Miles Goslett and James Tapper, god only knows what you look like but I would imagine that lying about your ages would be pointless.

Get off your arses and go find some real issues to write about.

Lovat Fields..

2009-08-07T05:49:00.000-07:00

is definitely a place I would want to live when I get too old to look after myself. http://www.open2.net/silverville/episode2.html

It looks like a community that shows respect to those in their advanced years, without treating them like useless old lumps of meat past their sell-by date.

Each week I've been a bit teary eyed, watching the residents settle in, make friends, even have new romances. Although, the endless rounds of singing naff old songs might start to wear thin after a while.

But this week, I watched it and nearly ripped the tv off the wall and threw it in the garden. Ken & Jan were a couple in their mid 50s, second marriage for both and had been married for 16 years when he had a very serious stroke and became totally dependant on her for his care. She has decided that it is in his best interests to go and live in the assisted care village, as her health is not good and she has found it a struggle to look after him. She plans to visit him twice a week to start with......(twice a week?) and has decorated his new home with photographs of herself....

At this point I was fairly understanding but in all honesty, tho' he walks with a limp, uses a mobility scooter and has trouble remembering things, or speaking properly on occasion, he didn't actually seem all that badly off. However, we none of us know how it will be to care for a loved one when they become disabled, so I was still in understanding mode.

Then, Jan started talking about being able to go out and have fun and how she might even meet someone new after a while. EXCUSE ME????? You are bloody well still married to Ken who you have shoved in a home. Then she got all dolled up and went out on the razz, while he's pulling the curtains in his flat and getting upset because he 'wants to go home'. Bless him.

OK, I thought it had got as bad as it could have possibly got. But no. It was going to get worse. She visited him (after dropping him there like a faithful old blind Labrador at the pound 'cos it's suddenly started shitting on the rug) and was sat holding his hand on the sofa. Then started talking to him about when she meets someone else. She hasn't met anyone yet, she tells him, but if she does....

At this point he starts to get upset. Now what I want to know is this, Jan, you've shoved him in the home, if you had met someone else, how the fuck would he have found out about it??? You could have kept quiet and he'd have been none the wiser. But no, you start telling him all this and the pain on his face was gut wrenching.

I sat and watched that programme with my husband of nearly 23 years. I cried for Ken, he got angry at Jan. At what point does 'in sickness and health' have a get out clause???

Jan you are a prize bitch. Ken, I really hope that you meet some lovely woman in your new community living place. That you get to see out your days with someone who loves you and cares for you.

Jan I hope (and actually know) that you are going to end your days as a lonely old harpy.

Now, where's that brochure for Lovat Fields? :)

Have a great weekend with the people that you love ~ Amanda ~

Young, dumb and...

2009-07-27T22:46:00.000-07:00

out on their arses if they were my kids! Now we have the VPN, we can watch tv from the UK!!! I love it. It means I can watch Big Brother 10 (I must make a mental note to blog about that lol) albeit the highlights show. I am currently working my way through season 2 of Shameless as well.

One show I have been watching is 'Young, Dumb & living off Mum' about lazy teenagers (and a couple of idle 25 year olds) who do nothing except sponge off their parents while sitting on their arses). It's voiceover is the amazingingly funny Robert Webb from 'That Mitchell & Webb Look'.

I watched episode 2 last night. In week 1 we were just getting an idea of the young uns characters. Well now we are on episode 2 I can tell you that most of them are simply a bit naive about life and the results of over indulgent parents.

But.....two of them are bloody monsters. Nicky, a 25 year old Waynetta Slob in training. She is loud, dog common and I'm sure wouldn't be averse to a little happy slapping, if she could get off her big arse long enough to do it. The last two shows have shown her become friends with Rachel (but I will get to her in a minute) moan, shout, drink and be generally offensive.

The worst thing, she has some bizarre type cold sore that sits between her nose and top lip and it is starting to take over the show for me. I find myself looking at it with a morbid fascination. It has it's benefits, I find it somehow can block out her bloody awful whining.

Rachel, the posh girl. Where do I start? She is filthy, her hair looked last night, like it was getting ready to rip itself from her scalp and run along the floor to the shower. I've got a 21 year old and a 16 year old. The eldest, a young woman, was never like that. She loved her soaks in the tubs. The boy usually needs a cattle prod to get him in the shower but even after a couple of days of doing his own thing, (not showering usually) he's never looked that grimy.

Rachel is one of those people that you want to hold down, scrub and then chuck in a bath.

Both girls are obnoxious on their own but together they actually have me at the point of throwing my shoes at the TV. They drink, too much, they are abusive and nasty foul mouthed creatures. Why haven't they been kicked off the show? They are the laziest pair in there.

Are we as a nation breeding a generation of lazy so & sos that are incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together, whilst barking orders to mum, from their armchair parked in front of Jeremy Kyle?

As for the others on that show, I think they are all basically good kids that are a little misguided, I have every faith they will turn themselves around. But Nicky, get a wash for god's sake. And try to keep your mouth shut, you are the ugliest in that programme and I'm talking about your heart and soul, NOT your face.

x Amanda x

Is it my age?

2009-07-25T23:47:00.001-07:00

I find I have reached a point in my life where almost everything pisses me off. I find offence at the slightest thing and take umbrage at a misheard word or comment..

I am 42 and a half. I read articles with celebrities of a similar age rattling on about how good they feel, how happy they are, blah and blah and blah. I think, well I could be happy with the amount of money they live on. Am I turning into a grumpy middle aged woman?

I don't have a lot to be miserable about, great kids (mostly), at least they aren't hoodie wearing, knife carrying druggies. Well, not that I know of anyway. I live in a warm country, expat, house provided for, good standard of living. (I can't personally stand the place but that has nothing to do with the country itself but everything to do with the vaccuous Essex style expats). I have a husband I love, who loves me, well he better had! lol

So why do I have so little tolerance? I was in the supermarket the other day trying to find fresh veg when I try to turn the corner near the onions where two Indian workers, stinking to high heaven are fondling the herbs. They aren't buying anything. They don't have a trolley. I have already watched them wandering past the fruit groping the apples, which does little to encourage me to eat healthily. Anyway, they are standing there, in front of my trolley, expecting me to move. As I say, tolerance is not high on my scale at the moment.

I cough. They stare, at my tits, which are covered by a shirt and a large scarf.

'Excuse me'

They stare, at my tits.

I jerk the trolley forward and say 'get out of the bloody way you odious little git'

They jump like cats.

I'm satisfied.

Before I get any annoyed posts or mails about the poor labourers needing to be inside the cool shops away from the heat...let me just say that I don't give a flying feck, certainly not when they are wandering around with their filthy hands groping the fruit, whilst staring at my knockers.

Carrefour get your bloody act together and stop them doing that - groping the fruit without buying anything that is (not staring at my boobs - tho' that would be good too).

Other news - I pulled a muscle in said boobs, well the right one to be exact, reaching into the fridge to get some juice and an orange (peelable and with no need to worry about random gropage), I felt something rip and I've been in agony since.

That is what trying to be healthy does for you. Back to the chocolate for me!

~ Amanda ~

Ick!!

2009-07-11T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I wasn't feeling too great last night, now woken up with a headache, sore throat, burbling stomach and feeling sick. Oh and my nose is running like a member of the British Olympic team.

So I'm going back to bed to suffer. I had the husband checking me in the night for a curly tail and a snout but as of this moment it seems like a common or garden variety of a cold. Not the flu, the husband tells me that only men get the flu....

The daughter..

2009-07-11T02:15:00.000-07:00

Has a new song up on her reverbnation space. http://twurl.nl/umwnjd it's called Bones and is LOVELY. Please have a listen, either at that link or from the little doobly widget on the right. AND PASS IT ON!! Her fees are crippling us and we want her to get a contract!! LOL. Kidding x

Apparently...

2009-07-11T01:58:00.000-07:00

....a young guy got arrested outside the Ramada on Thursday night for kissing his girlfriend goodnight outside. Yes and I'm sure that was a pig that just flew past my window.

Not shocked at being arrested for overly public displays of affection. Shocked that it was a. his girlfriend and that b. he was merely kissing her goodnight.

The Ramada has some lovely restaurants, Maxims is beautiful and so nice for that romantic anniversary or birthday dinner with a loved one. Sakura, fantastic tepanyaki bar, great food and great staff. Over in the new building there is Bubbles on One, the champagne cocktail bar, while downstairs you can have great chinese at Ruby Wu's or Indian food in the Bombay place.

However, the Ramada is also home to the Sherahazad. This is where the Laughter Factory is held once a month and also the quiz nights. But the rest of the time it's a cesspit full of blokes picking up women for an hour or two. They also have the Qube, a nightclub, never been there so can't comment but I do know that the Ramada is one of the places to go if you want a 'girlfriend' for a few hours. When we first moved to Qatar, we were put up in the Ramada till we found a house and one of the husband's colleagues said 'Stay out of the Chinese Takeaway after 10'. He meant the Sherahazad. And it wasn't food this guy was referring to.

I won't worry about holding hubby's hand in the Mall, or kissing him on the cheek and being arrested for my PDA. As I'm not a 20 something hooker taking her 'boyfriend' home for the night.

Off to the Intercon tonight for big ole buffet with the in-laws who are up from Bahrain on a business trip, I shall try NOT to rip hubby's clothes off in the car park. Have a lovely weekend

toodles x

If I'd known then...

2009-07-10T00:40:00.000-07:00

what I think I know now, my teenage years would have been awesome!

Well, the reasoning behind this stems from a show on Channel 4 called 'The In-betweeners'. Having discovered the joys of a VPN and being able to watch UK telly in Qatar we are overloading on anything with British accents and 'culture'. It's a breath of fresh air. I'm a massive fan of American dramas i.e Criminal Minds, CSI, Supernatural etc but not big on American comedy, it's too....sanitised for my liking and unfortunately Showtime Arabia is lacking on grit.

Anyway, last night we sat down to watch episode 1 from series 1 of 'The In-betweeners' and laughed so hard that we then watched another 3 episodes. If you haven't seen it, it charts the two years of life during A Levels for a group of 4 teenage boys, not quite boys and not quite men -but that 'in-between' age.

When I was a teenage girl, boys were so bloody confusing. If you liked one, how were you to know if he liked you back, whether his smart arse comments in front of his friends were true to his heart or just to make him look 'cool'? As teenagers, life is hard enough, we run this gamut of emotions, inner turmoil that can make you feel like you are on top of the world or like jumping off a cliff.

Everything is life changing and a matter of life or death to a teenager. You get a spot, that's it, your life is over. But as adults we know that isn't true. Just like love. What we know now, could very well have changed our life experiences back then.

Watching those 4 boys in that show stressing over getting alcohol, getting the girl, getting a car, getting the girl made me wish I had been able to see into a boy's mind back then in my teenage years. I was full of turmoil. Mostly to do with boys. You worry that you aren't good enough. 'Why haven't I got a boyfriend' - 'When will my boobs grow?' 'Why does my mate have a boy and I don't'.

I remember being at a party when I was 18 and a boy I'd had a massive crush on (he was thick as two short planks but he was cute!) sent his mate over to ask me if I wanted to go home with him. For some reason, whether it was an echo of the woman I was to become or what, I said 'Um no, tell him to bugger off''. It struck me at that point, obviously he had nefarious exploits in mind and to tell the truth, I probably did too, after all he was no Mensa candidate. But for god's sake if he couldn't even speak to me, what would that have said about me? So I kept my hand on my ha'penny and my dignity. I did always wonder if I'd missed anything LOL

Now I realise that boys can sometimes get an attack of shyness and need a friend to speak for them. In his case tho', I heard him speak about 4 months later and realised that his voice had NEVER broken. Bless him. LOL.

When you get older and you have daughters, this all comes in handy, hindsight. You can give advice when she sobs over a break up with that complete and utter tosser that neither you nor her father could stand. You can tell her how to 'act cool'. But you know deep down, she will ignore you and do it her own way. Which is good in a way. Because in order to move on into adulthood, you need to make mistakes, you need to grow. Your parents aren't there to hold your hand as you have your heart broken or when you finally meet the first love, thank god. My mother would have been stood behind me with a rolling pin if that had been the case.

For those of you with teenage daughters, tell them, they are goddesses. They really don't know just how powerful they are. But warn them, little boys (for they stay little boys until the lid is nailed down and they chuck dirt on the coffin) have delicate little egos and to be very careful how they treat them.

But if they treat your girl with no respect or break her heart, instruct her to squash them like a bug! :)

Have a great weekend.xx

Well I had to say something...

2009-07-08T22:51:00.000-07:00

About Michael Jackson's memorial service. I didn't watch it live, there was something better on the telly. Can't remember what but I find endless images of celebrities 'grieving' sickening.

But last night as I was waiting for Top Gear to start I flicked over on to 'E' and it's edited highlights show of the memorial. Several things struck me about the performers but we will get to that later on. Firstly I found the whole idea of singing and dancing taking place around that huge gold coffin tasteless in the extreme. I know this was 'Hollywood' but what the hell?

The Jackson Family in my view have only ever been Michael Jackson and his backing singers. I'm not a fan of Janet but I appreciate she has talent. But it's nothing on a scale compared to her brother. As for LaToya, does she even have a talent? This family has been defined by it's one truly talented member and by god they seem distraught at his loss. But is it the loss of a brother, or the loss of a chance to have a last moment in the spotlight. Well they certainly milked that memorial for all it was worth. Jermaine Jackson face firmly planted in front of that microphone on the last song, grinning like some loon from the local sanitarium.

Michael Jackson's children, bereft and bewildered, dragged on stage to deliver a few words. Most heartbreaking for me as a mother, was not Paris' tears and breakdown. For me, the most distressing thing was seeing the quiet and 'lost' 'Blanket' clutching his Michael Jackson doll.

The performers. Stevie Wonder, what the hell happened to you, totally out of tune in places singing a godawful song in some wierd arrangement. Usher, sorry mate but your fake emotional crumble as you touched the coffin isn't even worthy of a raspberry let alone an Oscar. Shaheen (I won't even bother trying to spell his last name) was bloody out of tune as well. And what the hell was all that 'We are the World' crap at the end? Who were those singers? The blonde didn't even have her microphone turned up.

I don't think this is over. There will be more of this crass attention and money grabbing under the guise of the memorial facade. I wonder how 'Little Mikey' would have viewed his send off? Part of me thinks he would have loved it and part of me thinks he would have detested the whole farce and the fact that his father was even allowed in there.

But most of all I know he would have been absolutely gutted at the image of his children on that stage. Paraded in front of the world like they were some rare extinct species found in a cave somewhere. If he's sitting up there on some cloud, his heart will have been torn apart at the image of his youngest clutching at a doll of his father, whilst some old bag holds the microphone closer to the mouth of his sobbing daughter.

Shame on you Jackson Family.

OK...

2009-07-08T05:58:00.000-07:00

I am now coming out of the end of the afternoon in a decidedly better mood than I was earlier, my rant re being an expat.

I have been in a blue funk since the start of the week, the 6th of July should have been my dad's 82nd birthday, but as he passed over in February, this was the first time I didn't call to wish him a happy birthday and explain why the postal system here didn't work very well with sending cards. Or listen to him getting my name mixed up with those of my sister, two brothers, or anyone else he had met that week.

I miss him every single day.

But........I had a good talk with the daughter on Skype this afternoon and I feel much better. So for those of you poor sods who have read my rants and probably thought, 'what a moaning bitch'...you were right LOL and I shall endeavour to give you stuff to read in the future that will not have you reaching for the pills and vodka!

muchos love x

Oh...

2009-07-08T01:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I didn't want today's blog to be a rant. But it's going to be. For some reason I can't log onto Facebook or this blog in fact, using Qatar's net provider.

So I've had to go the company vpn route to write this.

I have a personal plan for another 2 years here and that will be that. I did 4 years in Saudi, which I LOVED. I made some fantastic friends. It's a true start to living as an expat I feel. It was a job to find marmite lol and when you did, you bought loads, far more than you would ever get through but you took your chance because it might not be there again.

This is my 4th year here. I love the country itself. The Qataris have always been a very friendly and welcoming group of people. (If you can ignore their driving that is and besides their erratic driving has been eclipsed by the Indian's downright dangerous driving and the expat blonde's thicko driving)

I just think that Qatar for me, falls into that wierd expat experience 'trying to be like home'. Yes you can buy western products in the supermarket, you can shop till your legs fall off, although the prices are double what they are in the UK for clothes. Books are an issue for me, we have a Virgin megastore here and so choice has improved, but I still find I can't buy 10 books a week, there isn't that many to choose from lol.

But it isn't home. If I'm far away from my family and friends, I want to be somewhere that I will feel like I'm getting the local experience. I want to eat chicken's feet or moan cos the Sunday Times is 3 weeks out of date.

Qatar is too much like Dubai's little brother. It is glitzy and shiny on the outside. The buildings that are going up, are truly beautiful. But the expats that are coming here now are expecting a close runner to Dubai. If I was a local here, I would look at how my country is developing with a great deal of pride but also a little sadness that it is being taken over by vacuous people with no respect for our culture or beliefs.

The expats have ruined Qatar for me. If there were no expats I would be happy. Some of the expats are lovely, why? 'Cos they are of the old generation/style of expats who go from place to place like nomads. They settle, they integrate (as best they can), they accept that you can't walk around the mall with your tits out as though you are on a beach at Torremolinas, they move on to pastures new. The true expat is a rare breed. I think I would prefer to go home before they are extinct.

BUT.......the plan is that when the boy finishes his IB in two years we will pack up our stuff and move on to greener fields. We won't leave before because he is at a remarkable school, with remarkable staff. He has never been happier. So, we wait for him to finish and get ready to leave the nest for University and then we, 'My Husband and I' will search out a small and untouched by gold wearing Essex expats or American soccer moms with little to talk about than their perfect children and....oh I don't know, I've switched off usually by that point.

Right, rant over. I feel much better for that.

Bloody internet

2009-07-06T22:48:00.001-07:00

I spent yesterday grappling with coding for a forum for a site that I'm trying to make interesting.

I'll start at the beginning.

Nearly two years ago I was offered the chance to represent a photographer here in the Middle East, trying to find him work, as well as selling his entire back catalogue for the past 30 odd years as limited edition prints etc.

Well I set up the site, snazzy name and set to work. Within 1 month I had 2 jobs lined up. It doesn't sound a lot but the first was to furnish the walls of a major building with his work and the second to do promotional shots/video etc for a company that is not only well known here in Qatar but would also have meant worldwide exposure. Did he get the work? NO, cos he didn't even bother giving them quotes. Well that's ok, he's a busy guy.

So I decided to let IndigoFrame fall by the wayside and I would simply carry on using the free emails that came with the account. However the account ran out and I had to decide, shit or get off the pot. I loved the name and didn't want to lose it. So what should I do?

Well as it would appear from my blog, I have got back into writing, a little. I have a published friend who writes such powerful stuff, I never know what to put in the comment box on her blog without sounding like some loony stalker. She has kicked my arse verbally into writing again.

So I came to a decision to use IndigoFrame for myself, her and anyone else who's interested, to put their work on display. Easy enough idea but in the space of 18 months I'd forgotten just how bloody irritating Joomla CMS can be to work with on sites. It's nigh on impossible to make things 'pretty' for someone who's so used to Dreamweaver but can't afford the huge costs of that software. I have a sudden realisation that maybe I bit off more than I could chew.

Stand by for more rants, a few irate tweets and lots of shouting as I struggle to get the bloody thing off the ground.

Here's hoping it's more successful than the last incarnation.

Another week!

2009-07-04T21:34:00.001-07:00

Sunday here in Qatar so it's the start of another week. I would say work week but my life (as the husband says) is one long holiday so it's just another week.

The boy has been off school for a week already. I was actually looking forward to doing bugger all and slobbing out in my PJs all day. However every day last week, something was going on, not sure what but it meant getting dressed. I thought today might be 'Pyjama Day' but I was informed on thursday that the A/C repairman is here today.

A/Cs. Wonderful inventions when they work. In Saudi, never had a problem with the A/Cs..all central units controlled by the flick of a switch. Here in Qatar, we have split units that attach to the wall. They are fucking useless. When they work, they leak. All over the floor, great effing puddles. The one in the TV room upstairs is forever leaking. I noticed the other night, while turning off all the lights before bed, that the next door neighbour, who has the same house as us, only back to front, has a bloody great plasma telly on the wall under their A/C. What do I do? ring their bell and say, 'excuse me but whilst nosing in your window the other night'.....

It will take this guy all day to clean and repair 2 A/Cs all the while I will have to shut my dogs away cos being Shih Tsus they terrify the repairmen (they both look like balls of fluff and can't see where they are going but to Indians they might as well be Dobermans)

And I will be holed up in my computer room, trying to figure out dates for our trip back to the UK, during which we will be ferrying across to France, driving down to Spain, for a wedding, driving back, then I need to sort out the stupid air miles people who won't let me use my airmiles for flights to Denver from London to see my friend Karen, I apparently can only use them from Qatar, which means a 7 or 8 hour flight back here to get on a fecking plane to back to London to get a flight to the States.

I wish that today was a British sunday circa 2000, when we would have a lazy breakfast, wander up to my mum's, grab my dad for a pint or 3 at the Three Cups. Wander back and have one of her very special sunday roasts.

But it's not, I'm in Qatar, counting the days till I get back on English soil and can have a pork pie.

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Short post again!

2009-07-03T22:35:00.000-07:00

cos it's the weekend and I'm still half asleep!

OK, apparently, according to the Daily Mail anyhow, Gordon Ramsay has had botox in those wrinkles in his face. Well in my view he should have had botox in his brain. We all swear, I'm guilty of it on this blog but seriously, he needs to fucking grow up.

Dawn French is apparently not bothered by the fact that she is overweight to the tune of 'morbidly obese'........She bloody well should be. I'm several pounds over an ideal weight but at least I can get up without help if I fall over.

Debbie Rowe is staking a claim on her children's money, I mean her children. Of course after all this time, she loves her children and wants to be in their lives, it has absolutely nothing to do with the money etc etc. Go back to your horses and leave them alone. The sheer fact that this woman had children with MJ should be enough of a reason to not even give her access let alone custody.

Book 4 in the Twilight saga. Is brilliant. But Bella is a stupid child who doesn't deserve either Edward or Jacob. Sign me up for my neck being bitten please. The 5 week pregnancy sounded good as well until I got to the part where she is chowing down on O+ blood. Well written, I still haven't finished it, but it's bloody addictive.

Andy Murray is out of Wimbledon. Who gives a shit? Seriously, he has a face on him that would curdle milk.

Sree is out of Big Brother and in all honesty, after this week's appalling scenes of bullying...I wish he hadn't gone, I wish BB had pulled those ugly (and mean ugly on the inside) bitches Lisa and Karly, up for eviction alongside that waste of skin and bones, Kris. Between the 3 of them, there is a very lonely brain cell rattling around. Freddie is a true sweetie, yes he's probably bloody annoying but there is no excuse for the pack mentality of Team Stupid.

Might post more later if I can be arsed xx

Short post for now..

2009-06-30T23:39:00.000-07:00

Just back from the front. Well it feels like that. Some silly bitch at the husband's company, who's sole job was to keep visas renewed, didn't with ours.

So today we had to go for brand new bloodworks, brand new x-rays. My arm still hurts, tho' I'm not as in the wars as the 16 year old no.1 son. He had to have his done for the first time because he is over the age of 16. Bear in mind the last time he had injections it took 5 of us to hold him down. This time he apparently took it all in his stride until several minutes later when he went out cold, luckily for him his dad was there.

Right, I am now off to lay on the sofa with Edward Cullen or at least the book Twilight, which much like 'The Secret' I bought to see what all the fuss is about, so I could call it crap.

It's not and no, I'm not a 13 year old hormonal girl.

Adios amigos until anon x

The Black Entertainment Awards?

2009-06-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Is it just me that thinks this is bloody strange? Imagine the uproar if we had a White Entertainment Awards, White Music Awards or Miss White America? It's plain wrong. If different races and cultures want equality then be bundled up with everyone else and be judged the same as everyone else.

Race is a tricky issue at any time. The UK right now is in uproar because the BNP now has two MEPs. Why are you in uproar? You voted them in! My inkling is that the British public were so sick of NuLabour's complete mishandling of immigration and expenses among other things that they wanted to teach them a lesson. Most voted conservative but some, those who are sick of the PC brigade probably, voted in the BNP.

Frankly I think the BNP and everything it stands for is disgraceful. I doubt that the many men who fought in WW2, fought to have their country one day led by a fascist party.

Let's go back to the PC Brigade, the councils who don't like calling christmas lights by that name and instead call them 'festive lights' to avoid upsetting the Muslims or Hindus or Hare Krishnas. I live in a muslim country at the moment, where lights go on and carols are played over the loudspeaker systems in some of the Malls. I've even seen a Santa. They may not believe in the religion of Christianity but they believe in the right for it's believers to celebrate. Who knows? it could be some cynical ruse to make us spend our money but at least they allow it.

Then we have Big Brother 10 in the UK at the moment. People are having a right old moan because they think Sree is being bullied because he is Indian. NO, it's cos he's a sleazy little git who has the emotional and mental age of a 4 year old. Get him out before I head to that house, climb over the wall and strangle him myself. Why does every major issue come down to race. There are deeper issues to everything, it is not always about the colour of your skin, or your religion or what school you went to.

This is not a racist rant. Far from it. It's an equality rant. We should all show tolerance for others so why do we choose to mark ourselves as different? That is a question for White, Black, Asian, Catholics, Jews or Buddhists. It is a question for Men, Women, Gay or Straight.

Life isn't equal, when some are more equal than others!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a lighter note, Sree is up for eviction on Friday against Freddie!! Cya Sree, take your gropes and try them out on Davina, see what that gets you........ a restraining order maybe?

A weightier issue.......

2009-06-28T22:47:00.000-07:00

As I sit here in the balmy breeze of the ACs (having just popped the dogs out into temps of 49 already) with my coffee and my copy of the Daily Muck open, I thank god for summer holidays, especially here, because the son is off now for 3 months. I bloody hate school runs. I take my (and my son's life) in my hands every day because Qatar is full of selfish drivers who actually don't know how to drive and believe they are the only people on the roads. That goes for every nationality, it's a case of 'if you can't beat 'em' for some people.

Anyway, I digress. So one of the articles on the Daily Muck today is about fat celebrities increasing obesity among our teens. We no longer have to worry about the scourge of the stick women encouraging our daughters to survive on a carrot a day in order to fit into a size -4 or whatever the hell it is. No, our worry now is the likes of James Corden, Beth Ditto, Ruth Jones etc.

BOLLOCKS

We are breeding a nation of fatties in the UK because kids no longer play outside, they sit on their arses playing World of Warcraft, PS3 games and watching reality shows whilst all the time shovelling down bloody great portions of food. Less exercise + more food = fat bastards!

As for the whole skinny celeb debate encouraging anorexia....I suffered an eating disorder for most of my early teens during the 80s and I can say........

BOLLOCKS

My eating disorder was down to being bloody unhappy, feeling ignored by my parents (I had 3 much younger siblings who seemed to suck the attention from the atmosphere) and food was my way of having some control. I don't remember ever sitting there watching 'The Tube' and wishing I looked like Paula Yates. Tho' I did have the hair.

As I've got older, my gripe about weight has been that I can't shift it. For some bizarre reason, baby no.2 took my metabolism with him, because he can eat what he wants and still looks like a racing snake, however I only have to look at a cake and my arse enlarges by 3 inches.

My issue about weight now and who makes me feel inferior? Other women. Not celebrities, not magazines and tv shows. Normal, every day women. I was due to start going to weightwatchers in January here in Doha. Then I missed the first one because of commitments. One of my friends went, and I asked what the group was like and she said 'lovely but one of them put her target weight loss at 5lbs and she looks like a size 8 (uk size)'

My left eyebrow goes up, as it does in times of 'highly pissed offedness'. That woman, or those like her are the ones that make others starve themselves or punish themselves in gyms. The skinny bitches who moan about their weight whilst giving us chunkies a funny look

Bitches! And it isn't that they don't know what they are doing. Why would any woman who needs to lose 5lbs, go to a weightwatchers meeting? Where other women have targets of 15lbs and in once case 40lbs? To bloody well show off, that's why. To feel superior. It's like the gorgeous girl having an ugly mate. Skinny women love to hang out with chunkies cos it makes them look fantastic. It's back to feeling superior again.

Well here's superior - bugger off and eat a burger!

You can say what you like...

2009-06-27T21:47:00.000-07:00

about Michael Jackson. I have frequently gone off on some mini tirade about his nose, his music or 'those' court cases. So I am not going to be a hypocrite and say 'oh my god a true genius blah blah' or suddenly become one of his greatest fans.

My heart right now is aching yes, but not for him or the loss to music, it is for those 3 children left behind mourning a father. They are none of them, old enough to deal with this alone. I am sure that there will be banks of counsellors, therapists lining up around the block to work on their 'grief'.

Will this help? Who knows? Never been to a therapist in my life. I do think too many people lie on those couches pouring forth information that is probably best left between families or even unsaid. But if it works for you, hey, who am I to question it? I view MYSELF as a bit of a fuckup.

These 3 children, have had possibly the oddest childhoods ever known, but it was their childhood. It is all that they have known. They have felt safe and secure wandering around various shops in the middle of the night, specially opened for their benefit, wearing that odd array of masks. Would we want that existence for our children? No, we all talk about children being children. By god, I get on my high horse when I see a ten year old with her belly on show, makeup and mobile phone. So you can imagine how I've rattled on about a kid called 'blanket'

But here is the thing. If they ever had one constant in their life, it was their father. And he is gone. Their lives now are changed irrevocably. Strip aside the custody battles by a mother who has barely seen them in their short lifetimes and who apparently flipped out when she found out that they had been photographed without their masks on (that tells you a lot doesn't it?). Strip aside whether they will actually have anything to inherit. Or even if MJ was actually their father biologically.

Because whether he was biologically their father, is a moot point. He was their 'Daddy'.

You can say what you like about Michael Jackson but remember that for those 3 children, he was their world.

Dear Miss Aniston

2009-06-23T21:23:00.000-07:00

If reports of you receiving a text from Ange telling you to 'back off' are correct I have some advice for you.

The man left you...for another woman, oh bugger that, not just for another woman, he left you for Angelina Jolie - ANGELINA FREAKING JOLIE! We aren't talking about some little stripper who took his love or a lap dancer from Croydon. This is one of the sexiest women on the planet who has her own little branch of the UN/Benetton. So not only is she beautiful, she is caring and loving and philanthropic to boot. And no offence but she can act you into a cocked hat.

Besides, he has more kids than Maria von Trapp and if you did get back with him, I don't see Ange letting you run up and down the hills singing 'doh a deer' with her brood, do you?

Love is unkind, sometimes we love those who don't love us back or those that have loved us, fall out of love with us. Probably none of these stories often printed about you are true. Frankly I think you have more about you than to take Brad back, Ange's sloppy seconds so to speak.

Get out there, have a fantastic life, if there is someone out there for you, he will find you, it will happen when you least expect it. He will love you and he will cherish you for who you are, not what you are. And for some reason, I believe you might actually end up happier than your nemesis Angelina. (My view is, Brad had fabby abs in Snatch and Fight Club but on the whole he comes across as a bit of a knobend)

Jen, Jen, Jen, as for Brad, face it, he's just not that into you, to quote one of your movies.

Dear Dad

2009-06-21T02:42:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day x

I will be thinking of you all day, remembering stuff we did. Remember that block of wood you gave me out in the shed, a hammer and a couple of nails, some sandpaper? It kept me busy.

I remember that wooden yoyo you spent ages making.

I remember you shouting at the pony, who used to stand at the other end of the field, waiting till we got there so that he could run up the other end.

I remember learning some of my best swear words from you at those times.

I remember your smile and your wink.

I remember your hugs.

I remember your half arsed efforts at making rabbit skin gloves, the skins hardening until you could bang them on the work bench and then chucking them away.

I remember the smell of sawdust on cold winter days when you would take me to get wood.

I remember how to cut a tree so that I know where it should fall.

I remember your laughter.

I remember that classic comment at sunday dinner (after your trip to the pub) 'it was lovely...but....' and the look on my mother's face as she thought 'if you had come home on time, there wouldn't be a 'but'"

I remember you strong and fit and happy.

I will remember you always, with a heavy heart and often a smile. Sometimes even a bloody loud laugh.

Big kisses x

The Weekend...

2009-06-18T23:51:00.000-07:00

is Friday/Saturday here in Qatar. I woke up this morning with a cracking hangover courtesy of lots of vodka martinis last night. I also watched 'In Bruges' with Colin Farrell. Well, not with him, he wasn't sharing my sofa...he was in the movie.

I really never understood what people saw in him. Yes, Colin. I always thought he was of average looks and of average acting ability. His bad boy antics just made me think he was a tosser.

However, having watched that movie last night, which I loved, my opinion has changed somewhat. He's a cutie and the accent is to die for. But he was absolutely brilliant in that movie. So, will I be searching out his other stuff? That Alexander epic? No, cos I don't want my head messed with. The other movies, all action, all epic guff that I wouldn't watch even if Eric Stoltz was dancing the fandango naked in them.

I shall hold onto my thoughts of Colin, with his irish accent and his gorgeous face and the sadness in his eyes as he tries to get past the accidental killing of a child.

Now, if I could just get past my dislike of the boring image I have of Brad Pitt, I could watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button'......I might give that a go this weekend.

Oh...where to start...

2009-06-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

I think I've had my fill.

I've had my fill of Doha and it's anally retentive soccer moms that try to pass for expats.

I've had my fill of the rules here changing on a daily basis, cover up harlots, don't cover up, drink your fill, don't drink.

I've had my fill of never being able to wear a coat and scarf and gloves.

I've had my fill of missing my daughter.

I've had my fill of being away from my family.

I've had my fill of Coco Pops being 7 english pounds a box, yep, 7 quid that is.

I've had my fill of my bad back.

Just lately, when I talk, it's like I am opening my mouth and nothing is being heard. This is a pathetic example, I'm sure it is so silly and I will delete this tomorrow, but right at this moment it has affected me. We were watching some bloody stupid show on tv called Taste of My Life, its a brilliant show, Nigel Slater, chef, interviews famous people about their lives, using their favourite meals to represent outstanding moments in their lives.

Tonight's was about Vanessa Redgrave. My son wanted to know why her daughter was called Richardson even though she was married to Liam Neeson...so I start to explain the Redgrave dynasty but the husband walks in and talks over me, and then explains it for me. He immediately apologised but I felt like the damage was done.

It is petty to be hurt. It is petty to be miserable and put out over this. I didn't give up a lot to live the expat life. I had a career and it was a good one, but in all honesty I'm a lazy cow and to be offered the chance to do bugger all was a godsend for me.

I want to believe I'm an intelligent woman. I know I am. I do feel somehow swamped by my life of doing very little. I hate the fucking washing up. I hate the fucking ironing. I hate the expats who swan around with big grins on their faces like they have discovered the holy grail.

I know I do very little. I know that script is sitting there begging me to finish it. But I am fighting it. I'm fighting my need, my hopes for it. I don't know why. I know I'm in the midst of a depression but as the husband doesn't believe in depression and I'm so far away from anyone that can actually give me a hug and say they understand, that I right now, will finish my rather large vodka and go to bed.

A taste of my life? A bloody large vodka and the taste of colgate before I fall asleep

The Daily Muck............

2009-06-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

I mean Mail, the Daily Mail.

I read it every day. Not because it is good, nor truthful, but for pure entertainment value. Rather nice pics of Becks' six pack smothered in babyoil. Some crap about Megan Fox having a 'club thumb' whatever the bloody hell that is.

Phil Spector without his wig - well, somewhere Santa is missing a helper isn't he? I quite liked his wigs, I always wondered a. who designed them? & b. why??? they were more bizarre than anything I have ever seen Cher or Dolly wearing.

Either way, the Daily Muck *cough* Mail is always good for a laugh, if not cos on one article they are telling you to be proud of your shape and size and enjoy being a woman and your life, and another article about how fat Lily Allen's thighs are (they aren't by the way) Make up your mind reporters! Either start giving women their self esteem back or rename yourself the Daily MALE!

Gordon...........

2009-06-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

is a moron. No not Mr Brown today, the other Gordon..

I used to absolutely love Gordon Ramsay. I thought he was a bit brash and a bit cocky but some reason my hormones obviously recognised him as a bit of rough LOL. I wasn't a fan of his cooking, I have lots of his books, who the hell can find the time to cook that stuff. As for his 'autobiographies' I assume he used a ghost writer, or a 6 year old. 'I opened a restaurant, it was a success, so then I opened another one' - Booker prize winner it's not!

In the recent months we have heard revelations of a 7 year relationship with a professional mistress (apparently - I say apparently cos I'm only repeating what I've heard and I try so hard to be impartial unless I know the facts) serving up pre-prepared food in his restaurants, restaurants shutting down blah blah blah.....

Now he's become embroiled in a row with an Australian presenter over comments he made about her at a food exposition in Oz. The silly sod was not only caught on film doing it, but he repeated his 'routine' at a following foodie demo. Pillock! Not only comments but a rather disgusting picture of a naked woman on all fours, in which he has had a pig's head photoshopped on, and referred to her.

The man is a complete and utter wanker. Seriously he has started to believe his own publicity. Which hasn't been that great lately now was it? He has fallen into the trap of believing that ANY publicity is good publicity and so therefore runs about shouting the F word like a 3 year old at the posh grandma's house. In this enlightened world, yes we love a bad boy, we even love a bit of macho now and again (after all, those meterosexual types? who the hell wants someone who spends longer in the bathroom than they do?) but one thing that I and many women I know, cannot abide - and that's a chauvinistic arsehole.

Now for the wife.

Dear Tana, you obviously seem pretty savvy, very attractive. Kick his mysoginistic ass out, take him for what you can get (cos after all, it was your father who helped build the Ramsay machine) and build your life around yourself and your kids. He's a pompous ass. Do not for god's sake turn into another bobblehead who follows hubby around to keep tabs on him. You have beautiful children and I also think you have what it takes to get anywhere you want. So do it. Not for the women of the world (I bloody detest feminism extremists) but for YOU.

much love and kisses, a woman who follows her husband around the world, not to keep tabs on him but because I love him, he loves me and if he ever spoke about another woman, the way Gordon spoke about Ms Grimshaw, I'd kick his arse from here to kingdom come and back again xxxx

OMG Today is a RAPTURE

2009-06-06T01:31:00.000-07:00

It's been...emotional, as Vinny Jones in Lock,Stock says.

Finally the UK is getting a chance to tell the govt exactly what they think of them. Labour has been left with NO, yes that is NO county councils under Labour control. Roll on a general election I say.

My dad voted Conservative his whole life. He worked on farms from a young age and even at the age of 75 was still doing the odd bit of tractor driving for farmer friends. He believed in them. Maggie Thatcher? Well, he would have married her if he'd been able. He hated Labour. He detested the ilk of Michael Foot and that annoying ginger wally Neil Kinnock.

In his later years when Labour got into govt, I know he was deeply angered by it and would have a bit of a shout about them. I think he was waiting for the day when they would get their arses royally kicked and the Tories would get back in.

Well, he died this February. But I know he is sitting up on his cloud, glass of Grouse whiskey 'go on slip another one in before the wife sees' and laughing his skinny old arse off. (I inherited that, its useless for getting comfortable). This has all the makings of next year being a great 2010 if that is when we have to wait for an election. Tho, if truth be told, the Queen would make herself the most popular person on the planet if she dissolved parliament!

Mr Brown, it's time to rev up and fook off mate!! I'd like to say it's been nice, but that would be lying...........oh a bit like that expenses shambles huh, so you should be used to that!

Sally Antia

2009-06-03T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sally Antia is a British expat woman living in the UAE, Dubai to be precise. She is currently residing in one of their prisons because she was arrested for adultery (which is a crime in many countries in the Middle East). Is she married to a local muslim you ask? NO. She is married to a British man, a pilot for Emirates.

There are many rumours circulating about this case, they were divorcing, seperating, not seperated, living seperate lives etc etc. No one really knows the facts for sure, the papers certainly don't seem to know that's for sure.

Her facebook group is here - Sally Antia - please join.

My rant is not about the laws of Dubai, nor her actions, nor that of her husband who apparently reported her to the authorities. My rant today is about expatwomen from a site called ExpatWoman - it is full of sanctimonious judgemental bitches that wouldn't know solidarity if it kicked them in their rather full arses!

Comments range from 'well she knew the laws of the land' to 'I don't know how any mother can put a lover above the welfare of her children.'

I suggest these expatwives get back to their shopping and their overseeing of their poorly paid maids. They need to grow up and think for one moment, 'if I piss my husband off, what's to stop him reporting me for adultery, guilty or not'

That Geldof girl....

2009-06-02T23:53:00.000-07:00

Peaches, this is to you.

I really liked the personality that was your mother. She came across as a fun loving ballsy woman back in the 80s. She snagged her pop star and had beautiful children with totally bizarre names. Us young women of the 80s dreamt that we too might marry a pop star and call our children things like Wuffly Cuddle Bum or Grapefruit Sunrise. Then one morning on a bed in the Big Breakfast house, she clapped eyes on Michael Hutchence. Her fate was sealed there and then. In all honesty, if I had been next to him on a bed, my fate would have been sealed as well. He was gorgeous.

She was a talented woman, I enjoyed her scribblings and her interviews. As a mother, I would like to think she would be proud of her daughters. Having a daughter in your age bracket however, I think I would be kicking her ass all the way home if she behaved the way that you do.

No, you aren't out mugging old ladies to pay for your White Lightening habit. But you trade on your name and your connections to earn ridiculous amounts of money, whilst having no discernible talent to speak of. In fact you are one of a growing trend of 'kids with wackjob names from moderately famous parents'

I know of several genuinely talented youths, one an aspiring actress finishing up drama school, one a boy trying to make it in the DJ world, and even my daughter, struggling to get her music and lyrics heard by someone that counts. It's not happening. But for you and many like you, it's a breeze.

I don't envy you and nor do I wish your life on these youngsters that I know, one thing I will say, look yourself in the mirror and picture yourself at 50 and ask yourself, 'Am I proud of how I lived my life? Did I do all that I had the potential for?'

My guess is no. So shift your arse and do something about it. Do something that will make your parents proud. And do it without trading on your name or your heritage.

Susan Boyle

2009-05-31T20:47:00.000-07:00

According to the Daily Mail (yes I know, it's full of mysoginists - men and women reporters alike) Susan Boyle has been admitted to the Priory. http://twurl.nl/us2pbe there's the url.

Firstly and foremost I want to wish her a speedy recovery from the exhaustion or whatever it is that's ailing her. I didn't watch BGT apart from the odd Youtube clip but she really brightened my day when she was thrust into the limelight. Here is a woman who made my hairy top lip look positively naked in comparison with a voice that can only be described as back tingling. She made those silly giggling girls in the audience gape in amazement. I would have preferred not to listen to Amanda Holden's bollocks about looks, covers etc but there you go, that's what she is there for - (cos it's certainly not her talent - loved Wild at Heart but didn't really notice she'd left it apart from a severe lack of pained expressions)

The media and the hotshots at BGT built her up and by golly they were going to pull poor old Susan down, she had the talent and audacity to become bigger than the show. Cue stories of her losing her rag at a copper, flicking the 'V's at the screen and that kid Shaheen, who frankly, once his voice breaks will lose favour. I was flicking the 'V's at the youtube clip of him myself but that was purely because of Simon's act 'No No No, that is all wrong, don't you have something else' cue the right music at the right time. Simon - you should be prepared for a nomination at the Oscars next year.

There should be an age limit on that show, I don't want to see precocious 12 year olds or bawling 10 year olds on my tv, we all know they get the granny vote anyway. I'm just hoping that as my generation of cynics get to collect their pensions, they start to affect the votes on these shows.

Back to Susan, god bless sweetheart, enjoy the rest and only take as much of the fame as you want to take.

General Election?

2009-05-25T03:28:00.000-07:00

Short post this one

the UK needs a bloody election - get rid of that overblown arse known as Gordon Brown for god's sake!!!

Last one to leave the UK, shut the door............

The Russians are coming...

2009-05-24T01:54:00.000-07:00

Too late they are already here. Taking over the world not with arms or nuclear weapons, or even by buying up our football clubs. No, they are using that old favourite, their women....

Ron Wood, no great catch in the looks stakes I admit but a supremely talented artist and musician. Lots of dosh with beautiful wife and adult children to be proud of. Said wife has helped to get him on the straight 'n' narrow and keep him there, up to a point. He falls off wagon, well, not so much falls off as the wheel hits a rut in the road and goes careering off into a ditch, sending the wagon hurtling to the bottom of the hill. Unfortunately for Mr Wood, he is picked out of the ditch at the bottom by a 19 year old blonde with an eye to the main chance....and yes she's Russian. Ugly young boot, with a face like a bag of spanners. But she's young and got a lithe young body, and an exotic accent. He's hooked.

Now lets take another man. Mel Gibson. I loved him the first time I saw him in 'Tim' a movie about a mentally challenged gardener who falls in love with his older employer, played by Piper Laurie. My GOD!! I was 15 and never wanted to be 40+ so badly in my life. Now I am 40+ and wondering where my 'Tim' is. Enough of me.

The man was a god. He went from strength to strength movie wise and now is one of the most successful men in Hollywood. Guess what, some bloody Russian bird has popped up while he's having some kind of crisis and snaffled him from under our noses! I urge all western women to be on their guard against this eastern european phenomenom. The Russians may not have taken over the world during the Cold War, but by god, they are doing it now, and if we aren't careful, once all the rich ones are gone, they will be casting their eyes to the average bloke on the street who's brain is usually based in his testicles!!